JUNE 11, 1993

COMMUNITY FORUM

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 13

Continued from previous page

Dysfunctional communication

To the Editors:

It was with some special interest that I read the letter to the editor in the May 14 issue regarding the Living Room and the group of individuals that were angry with regards to accessing programs there.

My special interest is that the anniversary of finding out that I am HIV-positive is coming up. One of the people who signed the letter referred me to the Living Room at that time. It was that friend and the Living Room that provided me with the support and encouragement I needed to make it through that very difficult time. The programs that the Living Room offers have always been accessible and the volunteer staff that answers the phone has been consistently friendly and helpful. I often wonder how I would have gotten through that time without the Living Room.

The writers of the letter assert, "When the community has basically only two resources available to people in the spectrum in Cleveland, it is a disservice when one is not functioning properly." I can only say that it is a true disservice to complain and not follow up with the appropriate people. Since complaints were not taken to the leadership of the Living Room, I can only guess as to why it was felt that a letter to the Chronicle was the only action left.

But that's the problem with dysfunctional communication. Nothing is ever stated directly. I myself have never had a problem with the Living Room. This is the first time I have heard anyone voice a concern. I am confident that if I did have a problem, I could take it to Kyle or Jamal and they would handle it.

The authors are right. The "words living room suggest home, family, belonging, warmth, sharing, and good conversation, all components that would inspire one that they belong." One element left out of this picture is responsibility. When we empower ourselves as people in the HIV spectrum to responsibly take care of ourselves, it is then that we get out of the victim role and create a powerful and functional family.

David Feldt

Blaming the victims

To the Editors:

I was "angered" by the first paragraph of the response by the Living Room coordinators [May 14] in their statement, "many do not express their anger in a healthy and effective manner." Here we go again! Let's blame the victims. Can someone explain to me, when one recognizes and takes responsibility for their feelings and takes the opportunity to express those feelings, why it is necessary to minimize and deny them?

Being in several recovery groups myself and also being physically challenged as a quadriplegic, I can empathize with these people's anger and frustration in trying to access community resources. In my own experience however, feelings were not denied and the complaint however small, was looked into quickly and without recrimination.

It has been my experience that anger held onto and not expressed can turn inward. Perhaps all of the self help groups I attend are wrong when they say, "talk about your feelings, share, a problem shared is a problem cut in half." How more "healthy and effective" can you be when they are expressed? But like all "dysfunctional families" I guess it's easier to shift the blame, not talk abut it, sweep it under the rug and all will be "okay." The problem can't be us, so it must be you.

I would like to congratulate my brothers and sisters in the spectrum for having the courage to take this healthy and effective

step for themselves. I wish them continuing courage to taking whatever necessary steps in sharing their experiences with us for unless we know their feelings we cannot effect change.

Edward McCue

Living Room is my second home

To the Editors:

I am writing in regards to the letter that was written concerning the Living Room. "Dysfunctional Family"! I am wondering if these persons really know what dysfunctional means.

First of all I would like to share with you

meant in their original letter, "an attitude of impatience, hostility and a lack of compassion." I would add in this case, unprofessionalism, on the part of the paper. Perhaps they can review their policy so they can be considered a more serious journalistic vehicle.

Roger Zucker-Levy

While the Living Room coordinators' response may be less than you were looking for, it was a rebuttal provided by the affected organization. Our policy is to contact persons or groups being seriously criticized in letters to offer them a chance to give their side of the issue, and avoid onesided sensationalism.

-Eds.

that I am a heterosexual female with three Attitude of impatience

children. When I was diagnosed with HIV three years ago I was told about the Living Room and its services. I was aware that it was a program of the Lesbian and Gay Community Center, and that heterosexuals are welcome. I finally decided to stop by and check it out. I took my oldest daughter with me... she loved it.

When we walked into the Living Room we were greeted by two young men. They were very patient with us. We asked many questions... my daughter had quite a few. We looked through the literature and stayed to play a game.

There is a family at the Living Room. They are warm and sharing. . . you can always share your problems there!

The Living Room is not a place to look for a boyfriend or girlfriend. If these men have felt alienated... I feel that they have alienated themselves. You only get out of life what you put into it! If these men have a problem with the Living Room I don't feel as though they have chosen a healthy way of resolving it.

I hope and pray that the Living Room's doors remain open. It is one of my life lines to physical and emotional good health! I have made so many dear friends there who have helped see me through many problems and concerns related to my HIV status! The Living Room is my second home! Thank you for your time and sharing my letter with others who I know feel the same way I do.

Carol Burton

Response didn't help

To the Editors:

In regards to the letter to the editor, "Dysfunctional Family," in the May 14 issue, I would first like to offer my support for those in the spectrum who had the courage to handle their anger in a healthy manner. I have friends in the spectrum and have lost loved ones. I am well aware of the challenges these people face.

But here I would like to address the paper itself. I am most curious as to the policy of the paper. Why was the response printed underneath the original letter? I mean, shouldn't it be, first the article followed by a response in the next edition? I was surprised to see this as I have always found the Chronicle to be an asset to the community, a vehicle where people can air their opinions and voice their ideas in an open and impartial forum. Granted the Chronicle is not a major newspaper, but shouldn't the same professionalism and courtesy apply?

In a time when we are fighting for our rights and our very lives, the community can sometimes be its own worst enemy.

Had the coordinators of the Living Room used their privilege of reviewing the article before it was printed and addressed the issues these people presented, it may have not had such an impact. Instead they spent their advantage defending themselves and blaming. No solution or self examination was even discussed.

I now understand what these people

required to volunteer as a prerequisite to receiving services?

It was said, "the Living Room is about personal growth, empowerment and holistic healing." Yes it is true that the Living Room was created for such purposes. But it is also intended to be a drop-in center, where we do not feel discriminated against or belittled. We remind you again, if it were not for the volunteers the Living Room would not exist, yet one by one we end our service in disgust, disillusionment, and despair.

Our anger and concern come from what we said in our last letter to the editor, "An attitude of impatience, hostility and a lack of compassion." This statement was never addressed! Somehow the issue disappeared. In the rebuttal it was asked, "In whose lap lies the dysfunction?" Since our letter

Attitude of impatience did not deal with finger pointing or blam-

was never addressed

To the Editors:

Our open letter [May 14] was a collective choice in what we believe to be an effective and healthy way to express our anger and concerns, to be up front and in the open so others could share their experi-

ences.

It is obvious to us that someone did not do their homework, for the rebuttal said, "most of you have accessed Living Room services on a regular basis at one time or another, and that not one of you have ever invested your time, energies, talent or suggestions, nor volunteered or attended meetings to express your concerns." On the contrary, many of us have invested our time, talents and energies. In fact some of us did so before the doors were open and some even had input into the conception of the Living Room. Furthermore, where is it

ing, we won't start now.

We are sorry Mr. Rose and Mr. Naeem chose to personalize the responsibility. It was not a personal attack but a statement of our experiences. So in response to the question posed in the rebuttal letter, "Why are they not following through?" ... We just did.

Jeffery Boone Richard Saxton Reginald Wiley

Les Simon John Jacobson Stephen Hood Joseph A. Bogar

The Chronicle encourages everyone to write and express their opinion about the paper or life in general. Please be brief. We reserve the right to edit for length and clarity. We will print your name unless you specifically ask us not to.

Address letters to the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland, Ohio, 44101, or fax to 216621-5282. Include your address and phone number so we may contact you.

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